Golliwogs…By Golly …and other Assorted Weirdness

[ This is an opinion of Cranky Lizard – no other person or persons –it is a magnificently courageous expose of the political correctness that is sweeping, untrammelled, across our drought-stricken nation. ]

The briefings were held behind coded, thick doors; doors which could resist all eavesdroppings, and it must be noted that were any number of eaves who were willing to drop on these briefings. It is a testament to the raw, unbridled courage of the shims and the sims, who were engaged in this titanic struggle, that they grimly attended the briefings and acted upon the shocking information they received.

These were Shims and Sims who were prepared to act on the drop of a hat; charge through crowded shopping centres, disregarding the splattering of chocolate frizzies, shrugging off the detritus of thick shakes and slashing their way through clouds of fatty steam from chip fryers. These were front-line shims and sims, not researchers, not administrators, Oh. No, these were the real deal.

They were carefully selected – one of the fundamental criteria being their capacity to remain outraged continuously coupled with an almost unnatural level of internal zealotry; thus enabling them to function despite ridicule from the media, which, admittedly was rapidly declining, and pressure from families and others who asked if they had gone insane?

They were referred to as “ The Thought Police “, and they roamed a global beat.

These Shims and Sims were not insane – they were seized with a passion- a passion which drove them with, if you like, crazy fury, to rid our society of common sense and ordinary behavioural language.

The recent briefing, the one conducted behind the eavesdropping proofed doors had highlighted a shocking and unacceptable threat – there had been reported, and observed, examples of heteronormativity.

This unusual activity was best described as a young man meets a young girl, they fall in love and live happily together as a family unit.

Can you imagine how bloody wrong this kind of stuff is? I mean we are referring to about 96.4% [ roughly speaking ] of our society. What about the other 3.6 %? What about their rights? The purple wearers, the ‘ mee- toos ‘, the rainbow people, the ABGFDRECV- JKH F community, the coffee mob, the beautiful, shapeless people…don't these people have a right to live without being threatened by heteronormativity?

Of course, they do, of course, they do; and that is why the Thought Police were flat out, like lizards on rocks, stamping out normality.

Another huge threat to our communities was the appearance of golliwogs at the Royal Adelaide Show and in a chemist shop in Toowoomba! A woman called Florence Kate Upton had first mentioned these shocking monsters in a book in the early 19 th century, by the late 20 th century and the early 21 st century it was thought these pernicious little wretches were gone, gone from our lives, gone from our thoughts, but no! They were baaaack! Evil such as this cannot quickly be stamped out from our communities, and it is only after desperate and unrelenting struggles can the Thought Police prevail. The golliwogs were removed from shopping shelves, they were removed from show stands, they were ripped from the arms of children, who were, bless them, innocently holding these vile little icons. Shop owners and managers, along with Show Organizers, issued blanket, public and grovelling apologies – hoping that these actions would save our threatened society.

We, all of us, can only hope and pray.

But, alas, the threats to our communities continue to hover over us; looming like huge, ocean waves from a violent storm beyond the horizon.

There has been a life-changing revelation on a University Campus, which should, for safety’s sake, remain anonymous, that a small train – Thomas The Tank Engine- has been identified as an example of superior male behaviour. The huffing and puffing and ultimate success are perceived as pejorative to females.

Work has now commenced on how to develop the best strategy to deal with this threat; stressed out Thought Police have been recalled from leave, and raiding parties are being prepared to seek out and stamp out Thomas The Tank Engines wherever they may be! One horror scenario is that somewhere there may be a shed containing both golliwogs and Thomas The Tank Engines – Oh the obscenity of it all?

Rattling through the corridors of our Parliaments and riffling up and down the spines of some of our politicians is the shonky mental express which carries this nonsense into and onto our National forums.

Cranky Lizard is proud to stand in the way of this rubbish; this mental nonsense which is being inflicted upon us by humans who have only a brief touch of real life and who have nothing to occupy their febrile minds.

Sliding surreptitiously along with the horrors mentioned above is one of the greatest threats to humanity, the Thought Police have identified. It is The English Language and words containing – men, man, male etc…- there are manholes, there are manuscripts, there are humans, there are manufacturers, people are called men and women, teeth are called mandibles, there are books for children called “ The Mister Men “ series, there are people manipulating, people mend things…the list is endless, as is the threat.

The Thought Police are preparing to ban all books about Thomas the Tank Engine and all books in the Mister Men Series, yes they are! Mister Grumpy, Mister Sneeze, Mister Happy, Mister Greedy…they are going.

So Cranky Lizard is taking a stand and publicly says, in a huge and loud voice – “ GOLLIWOGS “ and “ Thomas The Tank Engine “

Cranky Lizard also means that if you want a golliwog, get one !! If you want to read the Mister Men Series books to your children, then do so !!

Cranky Lizard reminds you all of a certain regime in Europe which decided to ban certain books; they burnt thousands upon thousands of books.

And their actions were eventually exposed as sanctioned thuggery.

This was a regime which wore as a badge of commitment on their hats and arms – the swastika. That regime ended after the world lost millions of humans wiping them out, and one of its major proponents, Mussolini, was hung, upside down, on the concourse of a service station by the very people who had voted for him !!

Cranky Lizard calls out ‘ political correctness ‘ for what it appears to be – a system of mental bullying and oppression which defies common sense.

If you see an example of it….kick it into touch !!

The Thought Police are also desperately trying to confirm reported sightings of the………in the woodpile !!

The End.

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